


Out From and Far Away

by Kate_Reid



Series: reason i break [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Knight (Video Games), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Memories, F/M, Gen, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Planet Jakku (Star Wars), Smuggler Ben Solo, The First Order Sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26742685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Reid/pseuds/Kate_Reid
Summary: Lots of things are happening to Ben Solo right now.   He takes them in his stride.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Original Character(s), Rey/Ben Solo
Series: reason i break [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966075
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: Space Cafe 2020 Exchange





	Out From and Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Space Cafe's 2020 Exchange!
> 
>   
> Please enjoy this lovely graphic by the fantastic Flawless_Sorcerer_Supreme:  
> 
> 
>   
> 

Apparently, while he was asleep, someone had rolled him. 

*******

_“Ben, don’t get rolled!”_

_“Don’t let them roll you!”_

_Whether in his father’s Corellian-accented Basic or in his uncle’s Shyriiwook, he’d been told the same thing as long as he remembered. “Getting rolled” was what would happen if you let your guard down. His guard hadn’t been the highest lately, had it?_

*******

He remembered the warnings, had taken them to heart as soon as he’d been allowed to travel with his father and his Wookiee uncle, as soon as Leia had begrudgingly deemed him _old enough,_ whatever that meant.

The warnings from both Ben’s parents had been fairly consistent after he’d hit puberty. Even though Leia had used slightly more elegant language than Han and Chewie had, her meaning was the same. No matter how attracted he might be to a being he’d just met, it was very, very, very important to keep his head. 

It was fine to _talk_ to beings he found attractive, fine to get to know them, fine to spend time with them. But _trust_ was a thing to give carefully, thoughtfully, and only after some time had passed. He shouldn’t ever trust too easily, whether it was because he might blow one of his father’s deals or because he might cause some sort of interplanetary incident that his mother would need to solve.

*******

Even if Han and Leia disagreed about the places he might meet these hypothetical attractive beings, their cautions were strikingly similar, though for very different reasons.

*******

Leia was forever afraid that Ben might one day be snatched, just because of who he was, by some group who thought they had a statement to make. Ben didn’t really know how to feel about that--on the one hand, he’d had to come to terms with his identity as the only son of galactic heroes. But on the other, his parents were just . . . his parents. 

He’d spent his entire childhood forgetting their identities outside of their relationship to him, only to be swiftly reminded on any number of occasions. Sometimes, Leia would decide that one of her diplomatic tours would be a nice family vacation that might even include educational opportunities for her young son. On those trips, they would be greeted at a spaceport by several beings who were solemnly deferent to both Ben’s mom and dad, and even to Ben himself.

He’d never known how to react to that, no matter his age. It was weird enough for them to act that way with his parents, who’d actually _done_ things. Ben hadn’t done anything other than be born to them, and sometimes, he didn’t even know how he felt about that.

Usually, these destinations had human-comfortable climates and beaches where Han could set up an umbrella and a towel and spend his day lounging in the sun, playing sabacc either live or via Holonet, all while keeping an eye on a small Ben playing in the water. Neither Han nor Ben minded these arrangements, not even after Ben grew too old to need supervision. Even when he was big enough to swim or surf or jog on his own, it was always nice to come back to the umbrella, where there’d always be a cold drink and a snack waiting.

*******

Han was also quite protective of Ben, but his parameters were differently-set and looser than Leia’s. 

Since Ben had been tall enough to reach the controls, he’d wanted to pilot the _Millennium Falcon._ And he’d been allowed to as soon as he asked, first sitting on Han’s lap, tiny hands covered by his father’s on the controls, Chewie growling gentle encouragement and instruction next to them. 

When he was tall enough to see over the controls and reach all of them, he’d been allowed to sit in the copilot’s chair next to his father, occasionally allowed to push a button or throw a lever.

And finally, at some indeterminate point that Han and Chewie deemed appropriate, he’d been allowed to pilot the _Falcon_ on his own, with Han as his copilot. The first time this had happened had come as quite a surprise, only hours after Ben had stormed off from some moody teenage argument with both his parents. 

He’d thought his father had been joking at first--they’d been yelling at each other less than a day ago. But, no. Han boarded ahead of Ben and very determinedly sat down in the copilot’s chair, a raised eyebrow asking, “well, kid? You gonna sit down already?”

Ben had been utterly gobsmacked. But he’d sat. He’d sat down in the pilot’s chair and listened as his father gave the coordinates that would be their destination. He’d entered the coordinates into the computer. He’d led the pre-flight checks and received an obedient copilot’s compliance. He’d moved the controls to lift the _Falcon_ out of atmosphere, then again to engage the hyperdrive at the right moment.

Once they’d entered hyperspace, with the calm of the cockpit belying the speed of the stars outside, Han raised another eyebrow at Ben. This time, there was no question. Without a word, Han had said to Ben, “I knew you could, kid.”

*******

Even years later, all of these experiences were what flashed before Ben’s eyes after he opened them, looking up from an unfamiliar floor at an unfamiliar ceiling. 

Every one of those memories flitted through his mind, even as he was coming to an unpleasant realization.

“Kriff. I’ve been karking _rolled,_ ” he groaned to no one. 

Following his training, he stayed absolutely still as he assessed his situation. 

There was no pain immediately apparent. As soon as he felt that his hands were okay, he ran them all over his body. No blood, no cuts, no bumps, no bruises.

It was fine to move, then sit up.

His explorations found that a note had been pinned to his chest. As soon as his fingers touched the flimsi, he pulled it off and read it.

 _"Ben,_ _  
_ _This ship is yours. Looks like you won it in sabacc (along with many, many other things that we might need to discuss later. You have lots of credits. They’re on your chip). We’ve checked it out. You done good. And you said that we should go back to Jakku. So, we’re sending you there. Comm us when you find what you’re looking for._

_All our love,_

_Dad and Uncle Chewie.”_

He allowed himself to breathe normally. What was he even supposed to do with _this?!_

He’d been rolled by an aging smuggler and a Wookiee, not some beautiful stranger. Did that make this more or less embarrassing? 

Deciding that he shouldn’t ask himself questions he didn’t want to answer, Ben scrambled to his feet and evaluated his surroundings. He was on a ship that seemed familiar, but wasn’t. The cockpit and controls were familiar, but a little off. A short run around gave him more information. 

This was a Corellian Engineering Corporation VCX-100, and it was _his_.

Ben let himself grin. Quickly, he entered the cockpit, assumed the pilot’s chair, and absorbed all the information he could. The note from his father and uncle had mentioned Jakku, and indeed, here he was in orbit _over_ Jakku. 

He had no memory of urging a trip to Jakku, but that might have to do with his headache, general woozy feeling, and intermittent burps which tasted of some sort of sweet wine. For that matter, he had no memory of a sabacc game, either. Ah, well. He’d meet the situation where he was. What choice did he really have?

 _Jakku . . . desert planet_. 

He didn’t actually know much else about Jakku itself. But he did know that the Battle of Jakku had been the last major conflict between the Galactic Empire and the New Republic. He did know that the battle had happened after the deaths of both his infamous grandfather and Emperor Palpatine. 

Thinking about it now, Ben marveled at the fact that the battle had taken place at all. How had the Empire functioned after the loss of its leader and its leader’s apprentice? He supposed, though, that the answer must lie in the strict brainwashing of all Imperial soldiers, even fairly high-ranking officers. They were cogs in a machine--taught, drilled, trained to complete their duties no matter what.

_Even when beheaded, the body would continue to perform its assigned task._

He wondered again how his grandfather could have participated in such a program. Everything he knew about Anakin Skywalker pointed toward a being who was defiantly individualistic. Admittedly, his knowledge was a bit sparse. Leia Organa really didn’t like to talk much about her father. Uncle Luke was only slightly more forthcoming.

Well, whatever had come before, this was where Ben was now. He checked his sensors and was surprised to see the First Order Star Destroyer _Finalizer_ in orbit over Jakku.

Despite his reluctance to involve himself in politics, Ben knew that the First Order was a scourge on the galaxy. They were Imperialist fanatics, false inheritors, misbegotten revanchists. Their presence here couldn’t mean anything good.

But what the _kriff_ could they be here for? _Nothing good,_ his mind repeated. 

He knew, though, that for some reason, he was _meant_ to be here, because some combination of his genes required him to run toward danger, because he felt a duty to stand against tyranny, because he was simply _curious_. He searched his maps for a discreet place to land his new ship.

He cleared Jakku flight control with no issues, though he was a little embarrassed to announce his craft as the _Dark Claw_ . But that was the programmed and registered name of the ship he’d won. That could be dealt with later. He certainly had credits enough to apply for a new registration. The ship definitely needed a new name-- _Dark Claw_ sounded like something Ben himself would have dreamed up in the midst of his adolescent angst.

For now, though, Ben landed the _Dark Claw_ on a desert plain, near a village called Tuanul. 

As soon as he exited his ship and strode into the chilly desert night, the sounds of mayhem filled his ears--blasters, screams, crackling fire. He ran toward the noise before he could even think to do otherwise, then stopped, rolling his eyes at himself. What good could he possibly be here? 

As if in answer to his question, right then, a sleek black shuttle landed.

Ben grabbed his long-range binoculars from his utility belt and looked through them. The shuttle’s ramp descended; a black-clad figure stomped down it, followed by white-armored stormtroopers. 

He could see what was going on, but couldn’t hear any of it, which was frustrating when it happened so fast. The black-clad figure drew a red blade, cut down an old man, shot out a hand, paused a blaster bolt that crackled in the air. A man was dragged forward, pushed to his knees before the black-clad person, then hustled aboard the ship.

Ben reached out with his senses and was nearly driven to his own knees by his horror. 

He _knew_ the black-clad figure. They’d played together, eaten together, trained together. 

This was Kyla Katarn, who had been a classmate at his Uncle Luke’s Academy. Ben had heard whispers, rumors, but never believed them. He’d met Kyla’s father, Kyle, several times. Kyle was a friend of his uncle; Ben remembered several dinners where he’d nearly fallen asleep tuning out old war stories. Every time Kyle or Luke had noticed him or Kyla nodding off, they’d always been laughingly sent away to play; surely neither of them wanted to hear old men reminiscing.

Kyla had been a happy young girl, always laughing, always ready to take risks that she probably shouldn’t have. That was precisely why she and Ben had gotten along so well. They’d gotten into trouble together so many times that Uncle Luke always raised a suspicious eyebrow at them, even if they were just sitting quietly, eating lunch.

Ben and Kyla had both faced difficulties from other students at the Academy, for different but similar reasons. Ben was teased because everyone knew _exactly_ who his parents were--the love story of the princess and the smuggler was known galaxy-wide. 

On the other hand, Kyla was teased because everyone knew her father--Kyle Katarn was a hero--but nobody knew who her mother was. Nasty comments about brothels and outposts swirled around her, insulting both of her parents. The remarks only got uglier as she got older-- _was she a whore like her mother?_ Kyla had been provoked into a number of fights, with Ben only too happy to serve as her second.

Ben returned to the present with a gasp, jerked back from his memories of his friend. If he’d recognized Kyla by her presence, she could surely recognize him by his. Granted, her priorities seemed to be elsewhere at the moment, but it was best for him to get to safety. He walked quickly back to the _Dark Claw,_ not wanting to draw attention to himself by running.

He needed to regroup, figure things out. What he’d heard as he retreated--the desperate cries of helpless villagers, suddenly silenced by a barrage of fire; what he’d seen as he glanced back over his shoulder--a burning X-Wing . . . Ben knew he was doing the right thing, because he couldn’t have helped in any significant way, but it still hurt. Needless death and pain and destruction, caused by someone who’d once been dear to him.

Once back inside the _Dark Claw,_ Ben secured the ship, got ready for bed, then reclined in one of the bunks. He cast his mind back to Kyla again. She’d adored her father--bragged about his exploits to anyone who’d listen. And she wasn’t exaggerating--everything she said was backed up by Luke. Between her stories and what he’d been told by his parents and uncle, Ben had admired Kyle Katarn from a young age.

Whenever Kyle visited Luke’s academy, Kyla was ecstatic. Her happiness was always rewarded with boundless affection. Kyle had no qualms about cuddling his daughter, squeezing her as she squeezed him, his eyes as full of love and joy as hers were when he lifted her and spun her around.

Kyla’s smiles always made Ben’s day better, even when he knew he’d always lose his favorite companion during Kyle’s visits. 

Ben alone knew Kyla’s secret--her mother was Shira Brie, a Force-sensitive triple agent. Shira Brie had worked closely with Kyle Katarn, then disappeared after betraying the Rebel Alliance.

It was when Kyle Katarn was lost and presumed dead during the Yuuzhan Vong Crisis that Kyla had really changed.

Kyle Katarn was, once again, a hero. He’d helped defeat and eliminate the threat of the Praetorian Vong incursion into the galaxy. His quick action in the face of a formidable enemy was absolutely admirable--the Yuuzhan Vong were powerful enough to have destroyed the known galaxy. The Praetorian Vong had only been the tip of the spear. Shutting them down had saved countless lives. 

But Kyle Katarn had last been seen injured and weakened on Zonama Sekot, the runaway planet. The rogue planet had since left the galaxy, taking Kyle with it, injured, dead, or otherwise.

Kyla had no longer had a father, and she’d never had a mother. She was colder, harder, angrier, but sometimes even sadder than Ben had ever seen her. He tried to show her that he cared about her and wanted to support her, but he felt horribly awkward and knew that he was going about things badly. He adored his friend, but was terrible at expressing it.

Finally, one night, very late, Ben’s mind woke him with loud sensations of Kyla’s anguish and a general sense of terror and despair. His grogginess disappeared immediately as he ran outside and assessed his surroundings. Small fires blazed all around. His fellow students huddled in groups. Uncle Luke wore an expression Ben had never seen before.

The next day, Luke called everyone together. Notably, he didn’t say a single word about the burned portion of his campus. No, all he wanted to tell them was that Kyla Katarn had left the Academy. She was healthy and fine, as far as Luke knew, but she would not be returning.

Over the following weeks, Ben had found himself analyzing things. Kyla had been the most skilled of his classmates. When she’d told him the truth of her parentage, it had settled a question in his mind. Kyla had powerful Force-sensitives on both sides of her heritage.

Ben had a potent Force-sensitive on only one side. It could be argued, though, that Anakin Skywalker’s legacy was mighty enough for any number of sides. He already knew that his mother was much stronger than she let on. And Leia herself often joked that what Han called his luck was really low-level Force potential. Han always dismissed these jokes with a scoff and a smirk. Privately, Ben wasn’t entirely sure his mother was wrong.

But, Ben thought . . . what _if?_ He’d spent these years training with his Uncle Luke, presumably to hone his control of the Skywalker inheritance. 

There was so much that appealed to him beyond _calm_ and _serenity_ and all of the other boring things that made up the Jedi Way. 

Ben craved adventure, entertainment, a few slightly illicit thrills, a little danger. 

Kyla had left because she wanted to be true to her heritage. 

Why couldn’t Ben do the same? His heritage included Anakin’s legacy, yes. But it also included Han Solo’s legacy and an existence that hovered close to the fine line of the law, a life that rested on split-second judgements, ethical decisions based on what was fundamentally _right_ , and not only on what was legal.

Ben knew that he would never even have been born if his father had hewn only to the color of the law. He found that he felt fairly strongly about honoring Han’s legacy as well as Leia’s.

He’d scheduled time to sit down with Luke to discuss events, with both his parents to explain things, and with himself to meditate upon the choices he found himself wanting to make. 

He’d considered just running off, but decided that he owed something to those who cared about him. And he wanted to be sure to say that he was open to learning new things. 

Ben’s decision came not because he felt he’d learned everything he needed, but because he felt there was so much more out there that he wanted to know, so much out there if he left his current path. As such, he made it clear that he was open to return to Luke for short training sessions.

The cases he’d presented to Luke and to each of his parents were different, but in the end, Luke, Han, and Leia had all signed off on Ben’s request to leave Luke’s Academy. 

Once Ben had made his decision to leave, Ben had been allowed to join Han and Chewie on various missions. Slowly, he’d gained his comfort in those settings. He’d taken to it naturally and was having a wonderful time. When Ben had been given the responsibility of making important decisions, it meant the world to have Han or Chewbacca give him a silent nod.

He knew that his father trusted him, but was still very protective. In fact, this was the very reason that he was here now. Ben’s extensive sabacc winnings had come only because Han had wanted Ben far away from the place he was conducting business and handling a risky deal. He still had no idea what the deal had actually been.

Ben’s eyelids drooped as he settled down in the captain’s quarters of the _Dark Claw._ He had so many questions, but they could all wait. Surely, he’d be better equipped to deal with things after a good night’s sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> And thank you, from the bottom of my heart to my three Ls and my one J. Thank you for helping restore my faith.
> 
> So, there are a few changes. The title is different, and this is a one-shot rather than the multi-chapter fic I'd planned. It'll be the same thing, but now it's a series.
> 
> [Come say hi!](https://linktr.ee/stainlessstyled)


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